Diamonds and Coal
by 14karatgold
Summary: She phased out and back again and again before resigning to the only solid ground left to her: La Push was her only home now; Edward would only tolerate the smell of wet dog in his presence for so long. Angst. Some BJacob, but it's a BEdward story.
1. Chapter 1

Summary—She phased out and back again and again before resigning to the only solid ground left to her: La Push was her only home now; Edward would only tolerate the smell of wet dog in his presence for so long.

Disclaimer—Own none of it. I'll just say it outright. Oh, and I'm using the title of an Incubus song only because it worked. This is most definitely NOT a songfic.

Rated T because I can only go where my muse takes me.

Romance/Angst

**Diamonds and Coal**

Chapter One

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She looked down at her bronze-colored paws and desperately tried to tune out the whispers of the others. They were confused. _Another presence? What is this? What's going on? Who is it?_

_Bella._

She couldn't tell if the answering voice was answering the latter question, or if it was trying to gain her attention. Either way, she started and dashed away down First Beach before anyone could determine anything more.

_You can't run from us, Bella._

But, ohhhhh how she wanted to. She wanted nothing more than to just phase back and run away from everything, but she was so frightened and scared… so _angry._

She couldn't bear to look back down at her bronze paws. Their chosen color made her feel ill. Why? Why in God's name did they have to be _bronze _of all colors? Why couldn't they be a murky, mulch-y brown to match her hair? Why did they have to be _bronze_? Did the Powers That Be enjoy tormenting her thus? Did they enjoy reminding her of everything she could no longer have? It sure seemed like it.

Bella, come back. There's so much you need to know…

_As if you could hide anything from her, Jake!_

Ahhh. So it was Jacob that had been trying to calm her. That other voice must be Sam.

And she was inclined to agree with Sam, all misgivings set aside. Every emotion, every thought, and every memory—no matter how personal or intimate—from every one of the pack members was available to her like the pictures on a billboard. Even if she didn't want to know any of it, her mind was instinctively drawn to theirs like any eye to a bright light. She tried to focus only on Jacob, foolishly assuming that his thoughts would be the least embarrassing to witness of all of them.

Foolish.

Every flash she caught was of her, each one whipping through her mind at lightning speed, and yet she snagged every one—her at the movies, at the beach, in the workshop…. Each one was tagged with emotions and memories of thoughts he had had at the time. Every one of them was slightly different, and yet every one was laced with the sudden shock of the knowledge that Bella Swan truly was not all she seemed.

Bella? Are you there? Can you hear me? Think of anything!

_Yes. I'm here._

_Bella? Bella! Think of something!_

_I am you idiot!_

_Sam, I think something's happened to her. I can't hear anything! She's not responding._

_She's fine._

_What? You can't hear any more than I can._

_No. I can't. But I can feel her. You're only using your mind; only trying to hear her thoughts. Use your heart. She's fine. She's listening._

…_Oh._

She snorted in feigned laughter, trying to find some humor in this, but somehow it was even more frightening. _I'm a freak. An impenetrable wall behind which anything can hide. I'm a monster. A keeper of lies. Dear God have mercy! I'm a freak!_

She curled up under a sad little bush and stifled the howls that threatened to pierce the darkness around her. She would stay here till morning, and then return home—

But where was home?

She had recently become accustomed to the Cullen household as her home, as well as Charlie's roof, but both were out of reach for different reasons: The Cullens would never permit a werewolf inside their home, no matter how much said werewolf meant to them; She was now a danger to Charlie.

That left one place where she might—just _might—_be welcome:

La Push.

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Random plot bunnies cropping up while you're doing something completely unrelated… Fascinating, isn't it?

Is it satisfactory enough to even bother continuing, or should I just cut my losses and stop now? You're choice. Tell me which option you prefer.

kt


	2. Chapter 2

**Diamonds and Coal**

Chapter Two

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She yawned and stretched broadly, goring her hands and back on the long thorns of her sheltering bush. Not yet awake enough to be aware of the concept of pain, she just fluttered her eyes open to get a gist of her surroundings.

It was barely breaking dawn, that much she could tell. A few stars still poked out of the velvet darkness away across the sea, while above her was the pale gray-purple of early sunrise.

The sand was coarse and grating against the skin of her left side, and a few grains scratched against her eyelid as I rubbed it tiredly with my hand.

_What am I doing out here? _

She pushed herself up with both hands, until she opened her eyes fully, and found herself staring down at her bare breasts. She screeched and rolled into a hasty ball, but not before the events of the previous evening came rushing back to her all-too-clear werewolf memory.

Crouched in a painfully tight fetal position, she wept in tearless, wracking sobs, hoping that no one would find her and she could just die right there under her weedy shrub of thorns.

The Hole was back, only this time it was no one's fault… except Reneé's and Charlie's.

God! Why had they never mentioned in passing that she had a speck of werewolf blood? Where would have been the harm in that?

But then she realized—this blood wasn't Charlie's. He had no idea about the vampires _or _the werewolves that roamed his beloved village of Forks. So that left…

Reneé.

It was true, she knew just about nothing from her mother's side of the family, but both she and Reneé were so _pale. _How on Earth could she have even a _trace _of werewolf blood? All of the Quileutes here had that dark, russet-colored skin, Reneé most definitely did not.

In this minor bout of obsession in this new detail, she temporarily forgot about to very important and very pressing details: she was stark naked; she was a werewolf. She only forgot about the latter for as long as it took her to remember why she was considering her maternal lineage. At that point, she began to cry once more.

"Oh get up, Bella. Crying is not going to solve anything," she aloud to herself, and forced herself back into that analytical state where nothing else but the problem matters. Such moments of self-invoked time distortion were what made her such a good studier.

But back to the problem: Nakedness.

She had two solutions: phase into dog-form or try to be sneaky and run home naked.

The second option proved impractical as she noted that it would be colder, slower, and more obvious that way.

But the first option proved more troublesome: she wasn't angry. She didn't know how to phase with anything besides sudden spurs of uncontrollable emotion.

But where there are two solutions, there's always a third, and her third solution strode right up to her "place of hiding" and wordlessly handed her a bathrobe, before going off to sit somewhere where he couldn't be accused of peeking. She stood and threw the garment around her body hastily before leaving her faithful bush to find her ever-helpful third solution. She found him sitting on their log, as expected.

"I didn't look, I swear," was the first thing out of his mouth. She gave him a rather forced, weak smile as a reward. "Are you alright?" His choice of words made her want to smack him and scream in his face, but his tone pushed all thought of violence out of her mind. He only wanted to be helpful and comfort her through this. Should she deny such help from someone already so experienced? Part of her wanted to say "No!" and fall into his waiting arms with a glad heart, but most of her said "Yes. Yes, you need to learn how to deal with this on your own. It'll occupy your now endless, empty time." That besides, she didn't _really _want to fall into his arms anyway. She had recently reserved that right for Edward alone.

"I'm fine," She replied after a relatively short pause. "I'm just wondering what to do with my life now."

"Yeah. This is definitely going to put a damper on your wedding."

She scowled, but felt no inclination to break down again. She wasn't sure whether or not to snap at him, but then she realized this light comment was only meant to bring her some solace, and so responded in kind. "Edward told me he sent you an invitation. I thought you had run off. Why are you back here?" When he didn't answer, she just left it alone and moved on. "For your information, Jacob, my wedding was probably going to be damp anyway. This _is_ Forks, you know."

He snorted and looked away across the sea at the fading blackness.

"I'm ready to bet that you won't want any help from the pack with this. Am I right?"

"…I don't know how much help you could give me. You can't read into my mind, can you?" it was a hypothetical question, but Jacob didn't see it that way.

"Not right now, no. Maybe when you phase again, we can give it another shot."

"We all know that isn't going to work."

"Oh?"

He was being smart, and it was beginning to irritate her already volatile balance. "No. It's not. Everyone in the pack witnessed proof of that last night, and even _Edward _can't see into my mind. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm a closed book."

"But you can see into ours, right? We could still help you."

"I don't want that, Jacob," she said, voice sad, even to my ears. "I don't want to see into your minds at all. I just want to go away. After explaining my little… problem to the Cullens, I'll tell Charlie that I've changed my mind about college. I'll go abroad for a year and then _maybe _go to school. It's as simple as that. Everyone's lives will be much easier without me."

"Oh Bella," he sighed. "Why don't you see it?"

"See what?"

"Our lives _won't _be easier without you. In fact, life will get worse, because it will just get that much more boring. Just stay here, in La Push. It'll be great! Just you wait and see."

"…But what will I tell Charlie?"

"About college? I dunno. I'll help you think of something, but anything you say is going to kill him. The only thing he won't be upset about is the fact that you'll be within twenty minutes of him and you won't be with Edward. He can't complain about that."

She laughed. "No! He'll probably think I'm moving in with you and we're in love! He'll be overjoyed!"

"Hey, you know…"

"Oh God, what?" she prayed to anything that was listening that he wasn't about to suggest that they fall in love. She would _definitely _say no to that.

"Well, if you don't have anywhere else to stay, you could stay in my sisters' room. Obviously they don't use it anymore." He looked so sheepish for suggesting it, and yet delighted with the idea that she almost _couldn't_ say no.

"Won't people…get the wrong ideas?" she asked slowly. In truth, she really wouldn't mind staying with him. She didn't know what made her feel it, but something inside her told her this was the right thing to do. She would just have to redraw some lines for him—she could _not _go back to the stupid doubts that she'd had about being in love with him. He was solely a brother. She would probably have to remind herself of that with every passing moment, but the idea was still plausible.

"Who cares? And would it be so horribly bad if they did?"

She glowered at him, and he wisely retraced his steps.

"…I mean, _we'd_ know differently, so what would it matter?"

"I guess it wouldn't."

He leapt up in excitement, spinning off a loud, "Sweet!" before she stood slowly and added one more thing:

"I'll take you up on your offer, but I still want to figure things out on my own. Whenever we're phased, I want you all to just act as you normally would. _Don't _give me any advice, or even talk to me, unless it's necessary. I want to learn how to deal with this by myself."

"Always the stubborn one, aren't you Bells?" he said sagely, a crooked smile gracing his lips.

Oddly, she found herself giving him a genuine smile in return. "To the letter."

All stateliness left him at that instant, and he began to bound like an excited dog up the beach. "Come on! We have to tell everybody the news!"

A horrible, cold fist clamped onto her heart and wouldn't let go. She shook her head, and even that tiny movement from such a distance away silenced him.

"There are some things I need to do first."

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Well? Tell me how I'm doing. Give some suggestions, some criticism. Whatever floats your boat. Truly, I need some encouragement here!

Thanks!

kt


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